Bile:
Greetings, Earthlings! My people call me Bile, and this urgent transmission is coming to you from my home planet of Mars. More specifically, I am speaking to you from the communications lab at the center of Space Station Safety, the first human colony on my planet, constructed and settled by a group of nosey and smelly astronauts from your planet, Earth.
You MUST help me! Your astronauts Sal E. Tide, Harmonica Mars and their space dog Laika are ruining my previously peaceful and serene home with their loud music, all-night trivia parties, disruptive experiments, and wild weekend trips sandboarding our dunes. They are disrupting the ecosystem on my beautiful red planet. If you won’t call them home, I’ll have to get them to leave myself.
I know you Earthlings and your astronauts are ever so safety-minded, therefore my plan to rid my planet of your representatives once and for all is to create as many dangerous electrical situations as I can on this space station and send your emissaries packing back to your world. Meanwhile, I’ve got your noisy friends on a wild goose chase to the other side of the station to distract them, so you’re the only one who can stop me.
I’ve created five puzzles for you to solve. If you solve all five of them I’ll call off my plan to send your astronauts home, and I will welcome your friends with open appendages and learn to co-exist.
I’ll give you 25 minutes on the clock to figure out all five puzzles and stop me! Good luck, Earthlings, but not really!